Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You are a genius and a whore.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
