I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
