highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
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