I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
the day after is always just damage control
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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