Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
