my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Randomize
