As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
