I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
