Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
