sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
