I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
