I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
