Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
