i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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