i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
