we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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