I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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