So drunk, too bad you don't want this
You smell like a Billy Joel song
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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