Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
