I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
