we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
