were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
