the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
