Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
