went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
