I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
