what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
