hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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