I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
