This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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