And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
