Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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