the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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