she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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