You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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