He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
my god I love twenty year old dicks
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
