my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
