Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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