You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
