She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
