Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
