i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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