yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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