just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
