we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
