Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize