'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
