I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
