we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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