Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
