I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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