no you cant smoke seaweed
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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