Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
