Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
