I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
