Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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