life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
