He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
