I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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