I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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