guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Randomize
