Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Randomize
