Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
