I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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