It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize