I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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