A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
