I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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