It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
