I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
