So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
so let's talk penis.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
