Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
