What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
