i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
